Friday, April 13, 2012

The Garbage House

I have lived in the same rental house for a while, which is divided into a few apartments.  I'm looking forward to owning a single detached unit in the near future because I feel like I'm now old enough and successful enough that putting up with the weird antics of other renters doesn't need to be part of my life anymore.

Obviously this is a first-world problem, but let's talk about weirdos who stink up houses anyway.  Very often these days I come home to find that my house smells like rotten garbage (literally, like rotten garbage).  I don't understand what is causing this smell.  I am pretty sure it's the cooking attempts of the people living in my basement, but how they manage to consistently conjure up such a garbagey smell is beyond me.

I've lived in this house for almost 8 years now (whaaaaaaaat!) and have seen various other tenants come and go, blast their music, allow their boyfriends to live here illegally and use my parking spot without asking, obsessively do laundry at all hours of the night, sing loudly at 3 am, etc. but never have any of these tenants garbaged up the house like this.

People, if you would like a cooking lesson so every time you cook it doesn't smell like garbage in the whole house, I will come help you out.  I'm a pretty good cook and most things I make don't smell like I threw a bunch of rotten vegetables into a plastic bag, heated it up for 3 days, and then wafted the bag scent through the ventilation system of the house. 

Seriously, it's so gross, and it happens so much.  Do they not know the food they're making smells like butts and/or garbage?  Or maybe they do, and I have some sort of annoying habit that I don't know about and they're trying to get back at me?

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