Monday, December 20, 2010

Why I am Buying a Dyson ASAP

I HATE central vac.  I never realized how much I hated it until recently, but it sucks the MOST.  (Bad vacuum pun SORRY was unintentional.)  Today while vacuuming (home alone) I actually started yelling at it, no lie. 

Reasons why central vac is annoying:

1.  It is always stored in one of the most hard to get at places in the house, like the basement or a back closet behind a bunch of stuff.  Thus half the battle of vacuuming is actually hauling the giant hose and... shaft?  what is the metal stick part called anyway out of its hiding place.  I cannot count the number of times I have dropped the metal part on my foot during this part of the process.

~1 kg of metal falling ~1 m onto my foot at 9.8 kg m/s2 = %$#$%*&%$$#

2.  Our stupid vacuum always falls apart.  The metal stick part never sticks into the hose properly so at least once or twice while vacuuming, it falls out and lands on my foot (see above).  OR our stupid hose often requires emergency first aid mid-vacuum because it falls out from the end that the metal part attaches to.  It is so high maintenance, SERIOUSLY.

3.  It NEVER reaches far enough to get where you want it to go.  NEVER.

4.  The hose ALWAYS gets stuck on things in other rooms or knocks over tables and chairs when you are trying to vacuum a room that is far away from where it plugs into the wall.  We have probably broken more than a few items in this house due to the central vac hose.  Including my sister's closet shelf which came crashing down after the hose hit it while being taken down from its storage spot in the same closet.  RIP closet shelf.

5.  To get into small places you have to change ends, which often results in the vacuum trying to suck all of your clothes off while you fumble around for a different end.  Today my sister somehow managed to get the vacuum into a position where it started sucking up her arm.  I heard screams from one room and then later she came in to inform me that Central Vac attacked her.

There are many more reasons but I think the fact that our central vac often causes us bodily harm, tries to molest us, won't allow us to have nice things including closet shelves, and falls apart every 10 minutes is grounds enough to justify spending $500 on a beautiful new Dyson.

Dyson:  I can't wait until we are together at last.  Central Vac:  it's not me, it's definitely you.

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