Friday, February 17, 2012

The Weirdest Stagette

(Note:  Brahm doesn't believe me that this story is true.  However, it is totally true.  My friend Jess was there with us and she verified that the story is indeed the truth, including the part with the kids being present.  I don't know why Brahm would think I made this up.  I literally never exaggerate.  Joel, I think you might have been there too but maybe only Jess and I paid much attention because we were somewhat embarrassed for our gender.)

I'm not really a stagette girl.  Many of the stagettes I've witnessed when out on the town (although I'm not out on the town much, I'm an introvert and sort of hate going out on the town) have made me uncomfortable to be in the same building with the party, let alone be involved in one.  My own stagette is going to be pretty unconventional I think - no articles of clothing or accessories identifying me as a bride, nothing shaped like penises, no matching costumes, etc.

But anyway, my point is I guess for a girl's stagette, you throw a party that she would think is awesome.  So for me, awesome means not having to go up to random men and try to sell them penis-shaped candies and get them to lick my face, and not having to wear granny panties over my clothes that my friends Sharpied "Bride" onto.  But for some girls, maybe that would be the most fun night of their life so that's cool I guess, I just hope I don't have to stay very long.

So you can do whatever floats your boat, but one time I witnessed a stagette that was so completely bizarre that I can't quite understand how it floated anyone's boat because it was just so strangely organized and inappropriate.

The stagette in question happened a few years ago, when I was still in university and working a summer job.  Every so often I would go out with my co-workers on Fridays following work, and we'd usually go to Somewhere Else Pub & Grill.

I haven't been to this establishment in a few years, but in those days (and probably still) it was a cool, relaxed pub with decent food and not so loud that you couldn't have a conversation - kind of the perfect place to go for after work drinks and food.  I'm not sure the logistics of this exactly but there was (possibly still is) a section of the restaurant where kids were allowed as well, at least until a certain time in the evening.  So around supper time, Somewhere Else Pub & Grill was also a family restaurant.

One particular evening around 6 pm while a few co-workers and I enjoyed steak sandwiches at Somewhere Else Pub & Grill, a stagette stumbled in.

Um.... hey stagette, guess what, it is 6 pm???

I understand that stagettes can start whenever you want them to, and lots of stagettes start around 6 pm or so with the group going out for a nice supper before the real party begins.  However, this was not the case.  These girls were at family restaurant Somewhere Else Pub & Grill to GET DRUNK, POSSIBLY CRUNK.  At 6 pm.  While children coloured on their menus with crayons the next table over.

They were all wearing these giant white t-shirts with the bride's name Sharpied on the front, and were acting like Somewhere Else Pub & Grill family restaurant was a stop on their crazy train pub crawl, having already consumed copious amounts of alcohol... somewhere else.  While the rest of the pub patrons ate their steak sandwiches, drank their beer, and coloured on their menus, the stagette girls WOOOOOOOOOOOOOed loudly, cheered, did shots, and, in one very uncomfortable moment that I have mostly blocked from my memory, did some sort of bizarre whipped cream body shot thing with a waiter.

And like I said, if this is your idea of a fun stagette (at the proper establishment), power to you - but I don't think this is anyone's idea of appropriate behavior for a family restaurant at 6 pm.  I know to some people the point of a stagette is to draw a ton of attention to yourselves.  I guess trying to get a wild party started in a quiet pub where everyone is super annoyed at you is a surefire way to do that.

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